The perfection introduction?

I think I know why all my other blogs have failed, because of the introduction, I don't know how to introduce myself. How are you meant to go up to people and make a first impression in about 30 seconds when you have had years and years of life which have formed you into the person you are now, and then that just sounds incredibly corny. I suppose if you had some kind of magical device which transmits all the information you want the person to know about you into their brain in 30 seconds.. But then you could just choose all the nice things that you have ever done, even if there is only 30 seconds of it and then the rest of your life you actually would spend your time stealing peoples felt tip pens and throwing up in their faces on purpose. But people would think you were really nice till they went to check their pencil case. I could try and say this all to you in the first 30 seconds of meeting you but then you would probably think I'm some sort of rambling loon who thinks it's possible to transmit information into other peoples brains at high speed in 30 seconds. But then how are we supposed to introduce ourselves? If we don't have some kind of automatic way of doing this nessness. What if you are ill at the time? Oh hey -coughsneezedies- I'm Dympna nice to -hercousghguhjy- meet you. I'm sure they will be overwhelmingly charmed by my running nose and violent coughing. Maybe you just went to the dentist and you have a temporary lisp, they will mock you about it for the rest of your acquaintanceship. Maybe it just happened to be the last day of the week and there were no clean clothes so you are wearing some old clothes that are a bit too small and smell like feet and they give you that sort of disgusted up and down look and then you get all offended though really they didn't actually notice the foot smell and the disgusted face was in no way deliberate. There are just too many variables that could happen, it's far safer to just socialize online. Though there are those ads on television saying "Don't let your children near a computer, they will immediately contact a pedophile to go and meet somewhere without telling you". Thus the internet is not safe either you could be seduced by 64 year old men (or women) and when you are doing your grand introduction, what if you make a fatal typo which makes you sound like the pedophile.

Basically, we shouldn't socialize, at all, ever.